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The Family Journal
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The Poisoned Tree: Infidelity as Opportunity for Transformation

Jane A. Warren

University of Wyoming, jwarren4{at}uwyo.edu

Michael M. Morgan

University of Wyoming

Susan L. Williams

University of Wyoming

Tina L. Mansfield

Peak Wellness Center, Laramie, WY

Therapists working with couples will likely have opportunities to help couples dealing with affairs. Affairs present significant challenges not only to couples but also to therapists. Using a traditional Buddhist story as a metaphor, a three-stage model for working with couples after an affair is presented. The metaphor and model suggest a perceptual shift from seeing the affair as a relationship-ending event to viewing it as a transformational process and opportunity for growth. Each of the three stages is explained conceptually along with suggested interventions to help couples move through each stage in rebuilding a new, healthier relationship. The importance of mindfulness for both the therapist and couple is outlined, and limitations are suggested.

Key Words: infidelity • couples counseling • relationships • mindfulness • transformation

The Family Journal, Vol. 16, No. 4, 351-358 (2008)
DOI: 10.1177/1066480708323084
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